Misleading Pocket Dictionary 1.m4a

A selection of words from my misleading pocket dictionary.

Balloon: An inflatable Belgian

Polish: An unguent for making Slavs sparkle.

Hector: A Trojan loud hailer.

Sofia: A Bulgarian Settee.

Defect: A sub-standard spy who’s looking to switch sides.

Thor: A defrosting God.

Attitude: A position it’s best not to get into.

Oslo: A lone dyslexic Norwegian.

Lobscouse: A Liverpudlian tennis shot.

Postman: An awkwardly shaped parcel.

Dunderhead: an obtuse promontory.

Bermuda Triangle: Three people wearing knee length shorts, each equidistant from the other.

Banker: A word that can be spelt with a W without losing its meaning.

Banzai: A Japanese charge of miniature trees.

Genius: Imbecile.

Retard: A late French train.

Lizard: A cold blooded creature indigenous to Cornwall but found in Hotel lounges across the world.

Moving: An emotional change of address.

Testicular: An examination taken in fading light.

Present: A fleeting gift.

Phlegmatic: A Flemish arithmetic system.

Umpteen: A lengthy time period that lasts between the ages of thirteen and nineteen.

Xmas: the season of unknown quantities.

Nympholepsy – The condition where a woman falls asleep while having sex.

Yank: The chain on an old style North American WC.

Objective: Subjective.

Badinage: Substandard French banter.

Komodo – A dragon in a dressing gown.

Otiose – A word without purpose.

Chandler – A crime writer who makes candles.

Earwig – A very small toupee.

Fudge - To combine two smooth facts into one sticky finger.

Instantaneous – a quick coffee experience.

Vigilanti,- a woman who closely watches what her nephews do.

Wassail – To sing songs at sea.

Juvenile – Coruscating teenage satirist.

Catamite – a flea on a feline.

Quail – a fearful small bird.

Zapper – a device for not watching Television with.