“Alien abduction. Your view?”
“Who’s going round abducting aliens?”
“No, You’re the one who has been abducted by aliens.”
“Oh yeah. Well, it was a perfectly clear day and I’d been out with the dog. He’s getting old now so we don’t go very far. With a dog going for a morning walk is like when we used to read a newspaper to catch up with what’s happened…. What was the question?”
“You were abducted by aliens, what was it like?”
“Oh yeah. Well out of a clear blue sky I was zapped by some sort of tractor beam.”
“Star Trek style.”
“Exactly like Star Trek.”
“And I was carried up into the sky and taken through a sort of set of bomb doors but not bomb doors.”
“Like the ones in Dr Strangelove?”
“Very like the ones in Dr Strangelove and into the body of the spaceship.”
“What happened then?”
“Well two aliens, large heads, big eyes, quite short anesthetised me. though I remained completely conscious throughout. I was able to speak but couldn’t move.’
“Aliens like the ones in the Roswell incident.”
“Yes, aliens like them. Well these aliens started performing experiments on me.”
“What types of experiments?”
“There weren’t any anal experiments. I think they’d performed them on previous people they’d abducted. But they did make me decline the latin verb
‘ire’ to go, and laughed when I got to the second person plural imperitive ‘ite’
“Like in Monty Python’s film ‘The Life of Brian?”
“Yes just like that. Soon after I lost consciousness and had a feeling of falling. When I came round crumpled up on the front steps of the house, the dog was licking my face, there was a strange smell on my clothing, and three or four empty beer cans were rolling around the yard in the breeze.”
